Sunday, September 14, 2008

The Conservative Palinguage Guide, Vol. 1

I found this article on That Minority Thing, and it gives a wonderfully fresh perspective on the whole "Palin Effect," not to mention an intelligent way to reframe the crap the McCain spinmeisters are trying to sell us. Does anyone else find it ironic that the Maverick is now afraid to campaign on his own, because he can't draw the kinds of crowds his running mate inspires? Serves him right for mocking Barack Obama's "rock star" appeal. Anyway, read this thought-provoking list for yourself, and let me know what you think.

If you’re a minority and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates you’re a “token hire.”

If you’re a conservative and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates you’re a “game changer.”

If you live in an Urban area and you get a girl pregnant you’re a “baby daddy.”

If you’re the same in Alaska you’re a “teen father.” (Actually, according to your own MySpace page you’re an F’n redneck that don’t want any kids, but that’s too long a phrase for the evil liberal media to take out of context and flog morning noon and night).

Black teen pregnancies? A “crisis” in black America.

White teen pregnancies? A “blessed event.”

If you grow up in Hawaii you’re “exotic.”

Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you’re the quintessential “American story.”

Similarly, if you name you kid Barack you’re “unpatriotic.”

Name your kid Track, you’re “colorful.”

If you’re a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fulling vetting the individual you’re “reckless.”

A Republican who doesn’t fully vet is a “maverick.”

If you say that for the “first time in my adult lifetime I’m really proud of my country” it makes you “unfit” to be First Lady.

If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that advocates secession that makes you “First Dude.”

A DUI from twenty years ago is “old news.”

A speech given without proper citation from twenty years ago is “relevant information.”

And, finally, if you’re a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife’s reoccurrence of cancer you’re a “questionable spouse.”

If you’re a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn with Downs Syndrome… Well, we don’t know what that is ‘cause THAT’S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK!

There are even more examples of the hypocritical spin into which this presidential campaign has suddenly devolved. Visit That Minority Thing for Vol. 2, which includes some insightful reader comments that make great food for thought.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ironic? You could cut the irony with a knie, Zaffy!

At this point it seems to me that it's the Palin/McCain ticket. When they are on stage together, it looks like she is running for President, and has invited her not-quite-with-it granddad to be on stage with her.

Mad props on the Palinguage guide... I think I'm going to have to share it with my (3) readers.