DC: Top 10 'government shutdown pick-up lines

The government may shut down, but the bars in Washington will be hopping with thousands of furloughed federal workers with extra time on their hands and reason to drink. It’ll be a great place to meet someone new. So, for all you “non-essentials” out there, here are the top 10 “government shutdown pick-up Lines,” courtesy of Twitter’s finest.

WARNING: Cringe-inducing puns ahead. If you get half of the jokes below, you probably watch too much C-SPAN. (But you’re not alone!)

1. “That can’t be a BlackBerry in your pocket–you must be happy to see me!” -Brian Beutler of Talking Points Memo @brianbeutler

2.”Wanna come check out my debt ceiling?” – Jim Tankersly of National Journal @JimTankersly

3. “This bar has a 2 a.m. deadline and we all have to make some compromises.” – Seth Michaels of Media Matters @SethDMichaels

4. “Let’s debate this on the floor.” – Matthew Cooper of National Journal @mattizcoop

5. “Baby, the only thing that’s ‘nonessential’ about you is those pants.” – @delrayser

6. “I’ll show you a rider.” – Lizzie O’Leary of Bloomberg TV @lizzieohreally

7. “The government isn’t the only thing that goes down at midnight.” – Adam Tager @adamtager

8. “My staff is essential.” – Olivier Knox of Agence France-Presse @OKnox

9. “Baby, my resolution can continue all night.” – Clara Jefferey of Mother Jones Magazine @ClaraJeffery

10. “What’s happening baby, how furlough can you go?” – @FredSoxNation

BONUS: “I’m sure we can both find a way to satisfy our bases.” -Ryan Reilly of Talking Points Memo @ryanjreilly

Can you do better? Tweet them using the #GovtShutDownPickUpLines hashtag.

Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2011/04/08/coming-to-bars-across-dc-top-10-government-shutdown-pick-up-lines/#ixzz1IxeLrmdN

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DC News Briefs: Lost Relatives, Historic Votes and ... Mani-Pedi's?

A few days ago I did my first DC News Briefs blog, and I find I like the format -- perfect for the latest juicy news from inside the beltway. So, friends, here's another installment of news tidbits direct from our nation's capital -- the strange, the remarkable, the trivial (but interesting), and some things guaranteed to piss you off. Expect this to become a regular feature -- hell, I'll even give DC briefs their own label.

A Record Vote in More Ways Than One: The Oct. 3 House vote on the $700 billion financial bailout package was historic in more ways than one. Aside from the massive socialization of risk/privatization of profits trade off that occurred, it was also notable because all members of the chamber showed up to cast their votes. Shamefully, this marked the first time in five years that the entire body had cast a simple yes or no on a piece of legislation. Way to go, team!

Palin and the Princess: Apparently VEEP candidate Sarah Palin is distantly related to Princess Diana and FDR. But she's not the only one with some presidential DNA -- apparently Barack Obama is related to Dick Cheney, Gerald Ford, and Bush 41 and Bush 43. Damn. McCain's got connections as well -- to Laura Bush, of all people, as well as King Louis VII of France. No wonder the Maverick has delusions of grandeur.

Uncle Sam Gives a Mani-Pedi: Less than a week after the federal government -- um, that would be you and me -- so generously offered an $85 billion bailout to insurance giant AIG, the company held a week-long retreat for its executives at the luxury St. Regis Resort in California, running up an astonishing tab of $440,000. The executives spent $200,000 for rooms, $150,000 for meals and $23,000 for the spa. No wonder AIG needed that additional loan of $38 billion just to make ends meet.

Remember the First Stimulus? October 15 is the last day to file for those stimulus rebates. At last count, at least 4.3 million Americans had yet to claim their $300 to $600 booty. You can find out if you're eligible for the debt-funded windfall on a prior blog I did on the topic. By the way, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) is still talking about another stimulus bill -- the House passed a measure just before they recessed, but the Senate failed to follow suit.

Voter Suppression Rears its Ugly Head Again... and Again, and Again: According to an investigation by the New York Times, upwards of tens of thousands of eligible voters in as many as six swing states have been removed from the registration rolls or have been blocked from registering in ways that might to violate federal law.

Obama Makes Record Ad Buy: Already advertising at record levels, Barack Obama has scheduled a half-hour commercial for prime time on Oct. 29, six days before Election Day. I guess he's betting that he can lure people from FOX, who will showing the sixth game of the World Series at the same time -- or perhaps, now that Chicago's teams are out of the running, he just doesn't give a crap. The Obama campaign has lined up a 30-minute block of time at 8p.m. on both NBC and CBS -- the latter of which is already pushing back "The New Adventures of Old Christine" to sell the time. The campaign is still working on ABC.


Copyright 2008. The Zaftig Redhead. All Rights Reserved.

DC News Briefs: High Court, Lame Ducks, and Goodbye to Larry Craig

A few news updates from this gorgeous autumn day in our Nation's Capital.

Senate Shenanigans: Fulfilling my prediction from way back in January, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) has already scheduled a lame duck session beginning Nov. 17. Senators will already be in Washington for the biennial meetings to elect party leaders and set the rules of their chambers...so the timing works.

In the meantime, beginning Monday the Senate will hold the first of a series of pro forma Senate sessions -- which means the Senate will not be going into recess. As a result, President Bush will be prevented from naming any recess appointments -- as he's been known to do.


Mr. Wide Stance Says Goodbye: Sen. Larry "I'm Not Gay" Craig (R-ID), forced out of office because of one of the more memorable sex scandals in political history, said goodbye on Thursday to a mostly empty Senate chamber. Has it really been only a year since the Idaho Republican unleashed some of the best political satire Washington has ever seen with his arrest in an airport bathroom sex sting? With much less fanfare — in fact, none at all — Craig delivered his last speech to the nearly vacant Senate floor. A couple of senators troubled themselves to say nice things about his legislative record; Craig said good things about them in return -- and then it was OVER. Finally. Godspeed, Larry.


Supreme Court Begins New Term: The first Monday in October is always the first day of the new high court session. The 2008-09 term has a docket that includes cases about employment and sex discrimination, education, and others. Among the cases already accepted for review are a case where the justices will decide whether Title IX provides the exclusive legal remedy for cases of sex discrimination in public schools. Fitzgerald v. Barnstable School Committee (Case No. 07-1125) is scheduled for argument Dec. 2. The court will also be hearing a case that will provide the basis for a potentially important ruling on job discrimination. The question is whether Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 protects a worker from being dismissed because she cooperated with her employer’s internal investigation of alleged sexual harassment of another worker. Crawford v. Metropolitan Government of Nashville and Davidson County (No. 06-1595) will be argued Oct. 8.


Pork Barrel Spending Brings ... Presents? One of Rep. John Boehner’s (R-OH) district offices -- the one in West Chester, OH, to be exact -- was evacuated Monday after a suspicious package from Georgia arrived in the mail. After noticing it was leaking an oily substance, Boehner's staff called the Capitol Hill police in Washington, DC. The police advised the staff to evacuate as a precaution and call in local authorities. After an X-ray analysis, police investigators determined the package contained -- bacon. On a related note, Boehner voted twice last week for a $700 billion bailout of the financial industry.


House Republicans Break a Record ... for Gridlock: The Grand Old Party in the House managed to rack up a new record for the 110th Congress -- 120 motions to recommit overall during the two-year period, more than doubling the previous record of 56 set by Democrats in the 109th Congress. What is an MTR, you thoughtfully ask? Well, it's a parliamentary maneuver -- traditionally the right of the minority party -- to provide one last chance to amend or kill the bill. So yes, MTRs basically direct to House to go back to the drawing board -- and muck up the works as well. Wanna slow things down? Offer an MTR. Want to make the majority party nuts? Offer and MTR that picks off some of the majority party's members. In that vein, it is important to note that within this new gridlock record was another record -- 24 of the 120 MTRs were actually adopted, far exceeding the old record of 6 set by the 106th Congress. This means the ruling party -- the Democrats -- got beat at their own game 24 times. Yikes. Come on, Nancy, you can do better than that.


Stevens Gets Busted by ... Himself: Jurors listened Monday to a secretly recorded phone call in which Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) coaches the businessman on how to avoid an obstruction of justice charge. That same businessman paid for a major renovation of Stevens’ home. In the October 2006 phone conversation, it was clear that Stevens was aware that a grand jury was investigating his conduct. During the call, Stevens urged the businessman to forgo additional conversation and start communicating with him primarily through lawyers. Of course, little did Stevens know that Bill Allen, head of he oil services company VECO Corp., was already cooperating with federal investigators. Stevens is in a tough re-election race, and these calls, this trial -- well, let's just say Alaskans are growing increasingly weary of Uncle Ted.


Copyright 2008. The Zaftig Redhead. All Rights Reserved.